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We are once again gathered here to celebrate (or perhaps grouse about) 2008 by sporking another fic that commits many of the errors that BSST strenuously urges all authors to avoid:
- incest as a "kink",
- bad characterization,
- overuse of the top/bottom (seme/uke) paradigm which forces homosexual men into very rigid sex roles.
The offending fic is called Dar Dar Attempts Uke, written by Kiyomi and Ayumi, clearly anime fangirls who think it's cute to write non-amine characters as though they were in an anime movie.
Let the spork... begin. In bold, of course.
In anime and manga, especially shounen-ai, yaoi and hentai, uke (受け) is a general term for a partner in a relationship who is predominantly bottom and/or submissive. The equivalent for top is seme (攻め, seme). This is Ponyboy and Darry slash. (Dar Dar is Darry, in case you haven't figured that out.) Its kind of funny, because I can't picture Darry with a woman, but i can't picture him with a man, either.
Yeah, fanbrat, you just sit there and keep mocking Darry for being asexual like the uninformed little snot you are. Darry, most assuredly, is not a weepy little uncontrollable wimp. He is very manly, and were we at BSST so inclined, the males among us would love to have him as a boyfriend.
And what's with this seme/uke crap? Real-world gay relationships are much more fluid in terms of who tops and bottoms than you might suspect.
Dar Dar is sitting on the couch, innocently watching tv, when Ponyboy walks in the room. He sits down on the couch next to Dar Dar.
Dar Dar? Jesus christ, fanbrat. Don't infantilize him with that dumb name.
"What'cha watching, Darry?" he asks.
"Happy Days." Ponyboy picked up the remote and turned the tv off. Then he turned to Darry.
Remote controls existed back then but they sure weren't standard equipment on the TVs the Curtises were likely to be able to afford.
"Wha-what are you doing?" he asked. Ponyboy didn't answer. He put his hands on Dar Dar's legs, and looking intently into his eyes, began traveling them up, past his chest, to his wrists, until he was lying down on top of him, pinning his arms above him on the couch.
Pronouns. Watch them. And is it just us or does it seem physically impossible that an approximately 5 foot 8 to 10 120-140 pound Ponyboy could actually "pin" a 6 foot-plus, 170-to-200-pound (all muscle, too) Darry? Not bloody likely.
"You are mine."
"What?" Dar Dar asked in a small voice. Ponyboy began unbuttoning Darry's shirt with his teeth. When he got to his pants, Darry cried, "No! No! Stop! Let me go!" Darry's face turned a deep shade of crimson and he was breathing heavily, his eyes tightly shut. Ponyboy ignored him and continued working on his pants with his teeth. When they were unbuttoned, he ripped them off.
Oh, Jesus christ. Characterization Gods in Heaven, strike this fanbrat dead where she is right now. Why are gay men portrayed as whiny and weepy people who can't fight back if they want to?
"I want you to take my clothes off." Ponyboy said in a low voice. Dar Dar shook his head vigorously. Little beads of sweat were collecting on his forehead. Ponyboy licked them off. "Please," he said. Darry slowly inched the shirt over Pony's head. "That wasn't so bad, was it Dar Dar?" Darry didn't respond. Pony tilted his chin up and looked into his eyes. They were watering. "Do you like it?" he asked Darry.
"No! This is wrong!!" he cried.
Yes, incest is very wrong, Darry. Thank you for that moment of sanity in this fic.
"You're lying." Pony said. He inched a little closer to Darry, resting his knee in between his legs. Pony leaned in and kissed him, sweeping his tongue gently across Darry's lower lip. He kissed his neck, slowly working his way down.
"Stop!" Darry said breathlessly.
"Fine," Pony said, standing up, "you won't admit that you like it." He began to walk away.
"No, wait!" Darry couldn't help himself. Ponyboy turned around. Darry was blushing again, with his hand up to his face. He looked away silently. "I…It's okay…" he said. Pony smiled and walked back over to Darry.
Must refrain from rolling eyes. Very hard. God, this Darry is so OOC it's hard to recognize anything of the non pod-person Darrel Curtis in this fake rendition of him.
"I promise to be gentle this time," he said. Then he leaned over Darry and kissed him.
We die. Not laughing. Of facepalming excessively.
The next fic we spork will not be Curtiscest, since we'd like to avoid being one-note sporkers. Again, note the egregious errors in this fic, even though the spelling and grammar are quite good. Perfectly good writing skills have been wasted on absolute garbage like the above. Don't be an author who wastes your talent writing junkfic.